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Negotiating with Bullies (Part Two)

Bullies use various tactics to try to pressure you into an unfavorable deal. Some bullies try to “win” a negotiation through a series of increasingly more outrageous demands. In a variation of this theme, the bully gives you an unreasonably short time to consider his demand and notes that future demands will escalate dramatically.

Don’t let escalating demands control the timing or terms of the negotiation.

Photo by Veri Ivanova on Unsplash

To be sure, you should critically reexamine your strategy throughout the negotiation. Do your research. Challenge your assumptions. Reevaluate the pros and cons of the escalating demands. But unless extrinsic evidence convinces you that your strategy is flawed, don’t give in.

The person with the least amount of interest controls the negotiation. Holding fast to your reasonable position can help turn the tables on a bully.

Many years ago, I represented a man who had been sued by a classic bully. The bully claimed that my client — the former president of his company — was competing unfairly by starting a competing business after the bully fired him. The bully stopped making severance payments to my client and sought to crush his competition.

The bully had no basis for his claims. My client had not signed any restrictive covenants. He took no confidential information with him. And he had worked in the industry for many years before he joined the bully’s company. My client was legally authorized to use his skills and knowledge to compete fairly against the bully.

I reached out to the bully’s attorney, outlined the flaws in the bully’s claims, and noted that the bully owed my client four months of severance pay. We asked him to dismiss his claims and pay my client what he was owed.

The bully refused and tried to turn up the heat on my client. We ignored his increasing demands.

We took the deposition of the bully’s star witness, who had sworn that the allegations in the Complaint were true. At the end of his deposition, the witness acknowledged that he had no first-hand knowledge about anything in the Complaint. Rather, he conceded that the Complaint was based on “rumor and innuendo.”

We again asked the bully to dismiss his claims and pay my client what he was owed. The bully again refused and increased his demands.

Armed with the testimony of the star witness, we prepared four motions seeking to dismiss all of the bully’s claims. We again invited the bully to dismiss his claims and pay my client what he was owed. The bully again refused and, once again, increased his demands on my client.

I had great fun arguing the motions. The judge ruled from the bench and granted each of the motions in turn.

When the judge left the courtroom, the bully’s lawyer turned to me and frantically asked if our offer was still on the table. I assured him that it had expired, as we had warned it would.

We had turned the tables on the bully. Ultimately, my client recovered the monies he was entitled to receive plus his attorneys’ fees spent in defending the case.

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Negotiating with Bullies

Photo by Daniel Delle Donne on Unsplash

At some point in your business dealings, you will have to negotiate with a bully.

Bullies take many forms and employ different negotiating styles. The classic bully tries to intimidate you into doing what she wants. Her typical tactics are pressure and threats.

Other bullies are easy to get along with,  but try to gain power in the negotiation by taking extreme (and irrational) positions. They overreach, then try to get you to “split the difference” based on their initial unreasonable position.

Remember, the person with the least amount of interest controls the negotiation. So if you want to shift the power in the negotiation, you have to persuade the bully that you are willing to walk away from the negotiation. You have to become the person with the least amount of interest — or at least convince the bully that you are willing to walk away from the negotiating table.

Silence can be a valuable tactic in your negotiations with a bully.

A bully gains power by getting you to engage with him. He hopes that you will become stressed and frustrated, which will lead you to accept a bad deal with him. If you refuse to engage with the bully, he loses power over you. Your silence can help shift the balance of power.

Bullies thrive on conflict, the messier the better. They know that most people find conflict distressing. And, when thrust into a distressing situation, most people will do anything to relieve their discomfort, even if it means entering into a deal that they will regret once the conflict has ended.

When you refuse to engage with a bully, you switch the tables on him. You become the person with the least interest in the negotiation, which gives you control over the negotiation.

Silence — refusing to engage — can be a useful tactic in your negotiations with a bully.

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Strengthening Your Negotiating Position

Everyone negotiates.

Let me rephrase that. Everyone negotiates every day.

Parents negotiate to convince toddlers to eat their “mmm, yummy, good” chicken nuggets. Teenagers negotiate for a later curfew or for expanded car privileges. Spouses negotiate to determine who will pick up Sally from her dance lessons.

Everyone negotiates every day.

Negotiation permeates every aspect of your business. You negotiate salaries with your employees and prices with your customers, lease terms with your landlord and vacation dates with your colleagues, payment terms with vendors and delivery deadlines with clients.

Your ability to negotiate directly impacts the success of your business.

The best advice I know on negotiating is simple, yet profound. I learned it from an unlikely source, a class on courtship and marriage. What is that critical advice?

The person with the least amount of interest controls the relationship.

Whether the negotiating involves asking for a date, landing a job, or making a sales call, the person who is least interested – the person who is willing to walk away from the deal – has the greatest say in whether and on what terms the deal gets done.

The best negotiations occur when both parties are equally motivated to create a long-term relationship. Each party then is willing to sacrifice immediate gains for the benefits of the ongoing relationship. A healthy marriage is a great example of this type of relationship.

But most negotiating occurs outside of long-term relationships. The way you handle that negotiation will determine whether you strike a fair deal or end up regretting the deal you make.

Let me emphasize this point with two examples. When I graduated from law school, I decided I needed a new car to celebrate my accomplishment. The Ford Taurus was the Motortrend Car of the Year; I knew it was the car for me.

While I was test driving the car, the salesman asked me what I had budgeted to spend on the car. Foolishly, I told him.

After we returned to the dealership and the salesman consulted with his manager, he informed me that the payment would exceed my ceiling by about $28 per month. I was so anxious to buy the car that I said yes even though I knew the price I had quoted was a fair one.

I spent the next four years regretting my decision, knowing that I had overpaid by more than $1300.

Nearly 30 years later, my oldest daughter decided it was time to purchase her first real car. She researched her options, settled on a vehicle, and asked me to accompany her to the dealership to make her purchase.

We told the salesman what we wanted. We test drove a vehicle and went to the showroom to negotiate the transaction.

I informed the sales rep that we were going to purchase a vehicle and we were giving him the first opportunity to make the sale. We needed his best price.

The sales rep visited with his manager and came back with a price that was substantially in excess of his best price. I thanked him, told him we would let him know, and got up to leave.

The sales rep began stammering about needing to talk to his manager to get a better price. In a few minutes, he came back with a reasonable price. We negotiated a fair deal because we were indifferent about whether we bought the car from him or from another dealer.

The person with the least amount of interest controls the relationship. Understanding this principle is a recipe for success.