Strength Through Adversity

Life is a series of contrasts. Sickness helps us appreciate health, bitter defines sweet, and darkness explains light.

Muscles must be torn down before they can be built up. And so it is with women and men. To be truly happy, we must first experience setbacks and adversity and learn how to find joy in the journey.

Opposition and failure are part of every life. Embrace them as you would a dear friend and learn the lessons that come only after you wrestle with adversity. As Benjamin Disraeli noted, “There is no education like adversity.”

A human heart is a marvel of nature. Without rest, its four chambers work in harmony to pump oxygen-rich blood to the nethermost parts of your body and back again. Your heart does its job so well that you scarcely notice it, until it stops working properly.

Four valves separate the chambers of your heart. A normal heart valve has three flaps that look somewhat like a peace symbol. When your heart contracts, the flaps open to expel blood from the chamber; as your heart relaxes, the flaps quickly close to prevent blood from rushing back in.

I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve, which means that two of the three flaps in my valve were fused together. I was unaware of this condition for more than 55 years. Over time, the valve became stiffer and failed to close completely, leading to a series of physical complications. My heart struggled to keep me alive.

On May 26, 2015, I had open heart surgery to replace the defective valve. The surgeon made an 8-inch incision in my chest, split my rib cage in half through the sternum, and replaced the defective valve with a pig valve.

The surgeon stopped my heart so that he could perform his miracle. While he worked, a bypass machine kept me alive, diverting my blood through its filters, removing carbon dioxide, oxygenating the blood, and returning the life-sustaining blood to my body.

I vaguely remember coming out of anesthesia in the ICU, then spent a week in the hospital. Four weeks after surgery, I returned to the office a few hours each day. Though I felt appreciably better each day, my recovery was slow. Even today, I cannot do many physical activities.

Some six months after surgery, I learned that my heart was shocked 19 times before it started beating regularly on its own. I struggled with arrhythmia for months.

My heart challenges have been significant. It is an experience that I would not have voluntarily chosen for myself. And yet I am profoundly grateful that I could go through this challenge.

Adversity makes you strong because being strong is your only option. It teaches you important lessons that cannot be learned through other means. My heart problems taught me great lessons about life and love and perspective.  Things that once bothered me intensely don’t seem nearly so important. My wife says that I have become “sappier.” (She’s right.) Life is good.

Lou Holtz has observed, “Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.”

Everyone experiences adversity. You can become consumed with your particular version of adversity and let it define your life. Or your adversity can school you, strengthen you, and inspire you to do something worthwhile. Learning how to overcome adversity is a recipe for success.

Dad’s Famous Fruit Salad

Are you looking for a refreshing encore to a summer meal? A delectable treat that is both tasty and visually stunning? A fruit salad that is out of the ordinary? Then look no further.

I love the vibrant tropical juiciness of fresh pineapple. Add fresh berries to the pineapple to make a fruit salad and you have a cacophony of flavors that is sweet, sour, tart, and acidic all at once. The flavors virtually jump off your fork with a taste explosion that will leave your taste buds happy and begging for more.

This recipe is versatile and adaptable to suit your own tastes. Fresh mango makes a great addition. From time to time, I add one cup each of chopped pecans and shredded coconut to add some crunch. And blackberries, cherries, peaches, and plums are all at home in the salad. Adapt it as you see fit.

This recipe works well for large groups. I’ve made it for church youth conferences, fathers and sons campouts, and, most recently, for a group of friends who were in town for our annual employment and labor law conference. It’s always a hit.

Ingredients

  • 1 fresh pineapple
  • 2 lbs. strawberries
  • 18 oz. blueberries
  • 12 oz. raspberries
  • 4 to 6 kiwi fruits
  • Juice of 1 lime

Directions

Peel and core the pineapple. Cut it into 1/2 inch pieces. Place the pineapple in a large non-reactive bowl.

Wash the strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries. Place the berries on a towel to dry.

Cut the strawberries into quarters. You may want to cut the strawberries into smaller pieces if you have large berries. Add the strawberries and blueberries to the bowl.

Cut off the ends of the kiwi fruits, then loosen the skin by sliding a teaspoon between the skin and the fruit.

After you have loosened the skin on one end, repeat the process on the other end of the fruit. The fruit will pop out of the skin.  Cut the fruit into 1/2 inch pieces. and add it to the bowl.

Add the raspberries to the bowl. Drizzle the lime juice and gently mix the fruit.

Chill the salad for one hour to enhance the flavors, then wait for the compliments to start rolling in. I like serving the fruit salad in a clear glass bowl to highlight its brilliant colors. Enjoy.

Double Chocolate Pancakes

 

Hear! Hear! for Administrative Professionals, the women and men who help us serve our clients well and who make our lives easier. Your assistance is invaluable.

In 1952, the United States Secretary of Commerce, Charles Sawyer, declared June 1-7 as National Secretaries Week. In 1955, the week was moved to the last full week of April, and in 2000, the unofficial holiday was rechristened as Administrative Professionals Week to acknowledge the expanding roles of office workers.

At my law firm, we formally recognize our administrative staff by cooking and serving breakfast during the last week of April. I’ve been in charge of planning the menu for the past five years. Our staff is talented and “over the top,” so each year I try to come up with a menu item that is new and sufficiently “over the top” to recognize their contribution.

This year’s “over-the-top” recipe was Double Chocolate Pancakes with Chocolate Ganache, based on a recipe submitted by zerrin on www.giverecipe.com. This recipe has everything chocolate — cocoa, chocolate chips, and an amazing smooth ganache. It’s like eating cake for breakfast!

Days after we served breakfast, I’m still getting compliments on the recipe. My favorite comment came in an email from one of my colleagues: “They were awesome! I thought my tongue was going to slap my brains out.”

Try them. Then hold on to your brain so that it doesn’t get slapped out of your head.

Double Chocolate Pancakes with Chocolate Ganache

  • 1 large egg
  • 3 Tablespoons sugar
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/4 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 cup plus 1 Tablespoon flour
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 cup chocolate chips

Whisk the egg and sugar until creamy. Add in the milk and oil. Whisk until combined.

In another bowl, whisk the dry ingredients until well mixed. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Mix until well combined. The batter will be thick. Fold in the chocolate chips.

Cook the pancakes over medium heat for about 1-2 minutes per side. Serve with chocolate ganache.

Chocolate Ganache

  • 4 oz. chocolate chips
  • 1/2 cup heavy cream

Heat the cream in a saucepan until it shimmers. Pour the hot cream over the chocolate chips. Do not stir the mixture for 5 minutes. Then whisk the chocolate chips until they form a silky ganache. Serve at room temperature.

Makes about 8 pancakes.

Negotiating with Bullies (Part Two)

Bullies use various tactics to try to pressure you into an unfavorable deal. Some bullies try to “win” a negotiation through a series of increasingly more outrageous demands. In a variation of this theme, the bully gives you an unreasonably short time to consider his demand and notes that future demands will escalate dramatically.

Don’t let escalating demands control the timing or terms of the negotiation.

Photo by Veri Ivanova on Unsplash

To be sure, you should critically reexamine your strategy throughout the negotiation. Do your research. Challenge your assumptions. Reevaluate the pros and cons of the escalating demands. But unless extrinsic evidence convinces you that your strategy is flawed, don’t give in.

The person with the least amount of interest controls the negotiation. Holding fast to your reasonable position can help turn the tables on a bully.

Many years ago, I represented a man who had been sued by a classic bully. The bully claimed that my client — the former president of his company — was competing unfairly by starting a competing business after the bully fired him. The bully stopped making severance payments to my client and sought to crush his competition.

The bully had no basis for his claims. My client had not signed any restrictive covenants. He took no confidential information with him. And he had worked in the industry for many years before he joined the bully’s company. My client was legally authorized to use his skills and knowledge to compete fairly against the bully.

I reached out to the bully’s attorney, outlined the flaws in the bully’s claims, and noted that the bully owed my client four months of severance pay. We asked him to dismiss his claims and pay my client what he was owed.

The bully refused and tried to turn up the heat on my client. We ignored his increasing demands.

We took the deposition of the bully’s star witness, who had sworn that the allegations in the Complaint were true. At the end of his deposition, the witness acknowledged that he had no first-hand knowledge about anything in the Complaint. Rather, he conceded that the Complaint was based on “rumor and innuendo.”

We again asked the bully to dismiss his claims and pay my client what he was owed. The bully again refused and increased his demands.

Armed with the testimony of the star witness, we prepared four motions seeking to dismiss all of the bully’s claims. We again invited the bully to dismiss his claims and pay my client what he was owed. The bully again refused and, once again, increased his demands on my client.

I had great fun arguing the motions. The judge ruled from the bench and granted each of the motions in turn.

When the judge left the courtroom, the bully’s lawyer turned to me and frantically asked if our offer was still on the table. I assured him that it had expired, as we had warned it would.

We had turned the tables on the bully. Ultimately, my client recovered the monies he was entitled to receive plus his attorneys’ fees spent in defending the case.